Xmas Dinnerish Coctail

It's been a long time since my last post, because i've been falling asleep when time comes to lay down with my laptop:)

Through this period i gave a try to 3 different cupcake recipes. One turned out to be really really bitter, almost like detergent bitter:) I blamed the baking soda for that, apparently you have to do some magic, add some juice to get it into action. The other one was good, cakewise, but the icing melted by the time i got to the car, don't know why. The third one was okay, but just okay. I say dangggg i was gonna take a picture right after i get rid of all the cupcakes:) So i don't have pictures just yet. Hopefully next time...

Anyways, today i worked the kitchen for about 7 hours, fatugied. We have a pre-new year's new year dinnerish coctail tomorrow, of which the guest list started out as 20 and is now 45. Hopefully some will fall asleep and get lost in the way:P

And, just like in every event we try to have at our house, my mom got sick 2 days ahead and decided to cancel once again. Didn't let her, which cost me 7 hours in the kitchen. I think all the things turned out pretty well, especially my sextuple chocolate brownies. We'll find out tomorrow....

"THE" second interview

Yesterday was my interview with the academy for a scholarship. Bump, bump, bump...

As a private college gradute, i needed to make every bit of my situation clear for them to even consider giving me a scholarship. So, i did. A funny story about how parents' divorce can cause a financial earthquake in a young adult's life. Yes, there still an eartquake when you're older; it's just financial this time, rather than emotional;) How am i not able to pay the 'innocent' amount of 11000TLs? I'll tell you how: If you're older than 18 at the time, your mother is not the only person who's getting a divorce.

Anyways, i made the situation crystal clear. Yet, being in the middle class gave me a nice kick in the **s once again. I cannot get a culinary education, because i'm neither rich enough, nor poor enough. And even that is just an illusion, because i AM poor enough, but my image says otherwise. I am a 23-year-old college graduate with no job, no income and non what-so-ever assets. How much poorer can i be?

I am NOT undermining the situations of real poor people that barely get on with their lives, i'm just trying to explain this bizarre situation about education. And i do consider the possibility that i could be just a spoiled brat, But is it okay to sit back and obey just because you are not in the WORST of all situations in life? You got yourself a pricy education, now go get yourself a banking job and live with it!!! Is this really possible? I think i choose being a spoiled brat in this case:)

So...

Using my big bright green eyes, and big smile of not 32, but 26 teeth; i managed to convince the executive chef to have one more interview by january and reconsider my situation in accordance with other scholarship applications. HOPE is still on my side people:)

Fingers crossed;)

Using my social circle

First of all,

thank you for all the supportive commentary;)

Now let's get back to today. I don't want to give any names, so i'm gonna use my best friends from math class, X and Y:)

So...

Today i got introduced to Mr. X through my dear cousin. Mr. X is the executive chef and director of company Y. He actually controls all the restaurants and other dining places in a huge facility. How cool is that?!?!:D His office is filled with awards, certificates and most importantly all kinds of ingredients, cookies, utencils, etc., which was all so hilarious since it's an executive office.

Anyways, we had a nice chat, accompanied by chinese food. Learned a lot. I learned that the school i applied to is actually a real good one. More importantly, i learned that even if i didn't get the scholarship for it, i could still learn all the technique and the way things work by simply working in bakeries, pastry shops... As you can imagine, it was such a relief to know this, so i won't have to kill myself if i don't get the scholarship, haha:P

Yet, there's one thing that still causes me to hesitate. Apparently, the certificate that i would get is not really important for Turkey, since we are suchhh a strictly structured country NOT:) But....All the experience i will collect will mean nada outside Turkey. NEED city&guilds if you want out?!?!

My plan is:

I'm still forcing for full scholarship on my interview on wednesday. If - hopefully WHEN- i get it, i will go to the academy while working part-time in a bakery. Pumping up a whole lot of information and experience. But, if the academy doesn't happen, then i'll start working right away. And after a while if i think the academy is absolutely necessary, they i'll somehow raise the money for the next semester. How 'bout that?!

PS: We all know that change of environment is good for developing yourself in every sector. What i've learned from MR. X, though, is that in this sector it should be much more frequent, compared to others. I should be jumping from one bakery to another every 3 to 4 months.

Rocky Roads

Okay so the road is a little bumpier than i thought it would be. All kinds of setbacks are pouring in now. In addition to the lack of support from most of my family, i now find out that the scholarship only covers 20% of the tuition. So i still need around $5500 to get in. I do believe that they can actually cover the whole tuition of a student if they wanted to, so i'm still planning to force a full scholarship, for which i got an interview appointment.
Still, 'it' - the money- is again here to block my way. And naturally i'm having doubts about all kinds of things like whether i should go back to economics, or if all people are gonna think of me as delusional, instead of brave... Obviously not the greatest mood, right?!
So, i decided to watch a movie suggested by a dearest friend of mine. It's called 'Julie & Julia' and is a combination of two women's true life stories. It's originally a book written by Julie Powel. Ofcourse it's about cooking...why else would i mention it?!:)
It was good. Real... Am i feeling better? No:) But i guess it's just one of those days that you feel absolutely miserable...



To a happier day;)

Closure

So...

I've graduated from a considerably reputable university in Turkey. Studied economics, for a fact. Thought i had my life rolled out in front of me, smooth as butter:D It didn't take long to find out that it's not. Anyways, i grabbed onto my most positive-est mood and dove into the world of job-seeking. If your state of job-seeking lasts longer than a couple of months, you come to find that there's actually a similar process of 'closure' between breakups and unemployment. You could picture it as your career dumps you right when you were so happy with it:) The first step is ANGER: You get angry at all the companies you applied to, for not hiring the perfect junior candidate you think you are:) You start telling all your friends about how they didn't even get back to you, it becomes your main subject. Then comes the second stage, SELF-BLAME: "Maybe i'm not that brilliant afterall", then it becomes "Okay, i may have worked harder, yet i'm still a good candidate", and finally becomes "I know now, i'm plain stupid; really though i wasn't though (in a weeping tone). Then comes the COOL DOWN step, in which you calm yourself down, get all the comments that imply the problem is NOT you. You convince yourself that the CRISIS is underneath it all... Getting closer and closer to closure, right? NO! Damn! You find yourself right back on step one, furiously boring some frind to death, yapping about how stupid all companies are for NOT hiring you:))

Well, for a walk through of the whole process, you could just get any chick-flick about a break up and just imagine the guy leaving you is your career.

So...

The next step, at which i stand, is innovation. Haha i just like the word, you could call it hope. And here, i go into my current situation's details:

As i mentioned, i am an econ grad, which is actually not the easiest major to study (although most engineers think otherwise). I knew from day 1 (okay, maybe day 500) that THIS was not for me. But i also liked some of the subjects very much, still i don't know if i was just trying to convince myself to loving it. So, i did finish it.

(Economics is actually a very broad subject and it has a big bunch of working areas. But in Turkey the bouquet becomes much smaller, so you end up with only few choices ahead of you. )

I desperately looked for marketing jobs, but being an econ major in an environment of economical crisis made it impossible for me to find a marketing job. So, i decided to give it a try: my own subject. Long story short, after 5 months of internship in an investment corporation, i had a spoiled meltdown and decided to make a u-turn.

A u-turn to culinary career:) There was always the dream in the future of that little bistro or bakery. So, i thought, why not now?! I am good at it, and am already an artistic person. Why not?! You all can guess the reaction of the older generation:) They think that i lost my mind through time, and will find out soon how stupid a mistake i am making and return back to the warm and cozy arms of economics:D Luckily i've got some supporters around to give me the boost up.

So...

I applied to a culinary institute here in Istanbul and actually got accepted right away. Yet i don't have the finance for it. And now i'm in a desperate search of a scholarship or a donation:)

I have no idea whether this path will lead me to closure or throw me back to step 1. Hopefully leading to closure=the perfect career, i will be sharing the next steps of my bizzare life triangle with you.

Sleep tight